And then I look around...

Coffee. P.G. Wodehouse. The look on her face when I come back home. 'F.R.I.E.N.D.S' - any episode. Walking in the rain. Shopping - in small doses. 'Brown eyed girl'. Photographs. Daydreaming. Random e-mails. 4 page letters. Phone calls from old friends. Phone calls from new friends. Phone calls in general. Sleeping in between my parents. Chocolate cake. Chocolate anything. That first date. Falling in love. Being in love. Making love. Gifts for no reason. Playing with dogs. Beaches. Quilts. Gossip sessions. Romantic comedies. Hot showers. Water faucets. Hugging. Kissing. Old jeans. Getting buzzed. Interesting houses. Cheesy souveneirs. Lying around doing nothing in particular. Uncomplicated relationships. Singing in the shower. Lying next to him. Moonlight. Butterflies. Bubbles. Bathtubs.

Focus on the good stuff, they tell me.

Sun and sand, sea and sky

Seriously, who would not want to go back to this...













And this...













And this...













And this...













If I promise to give up all dreams of being a corporate bitch, then can I live last weekend on repeat please?

City of blinding lights

I feel like there's a timebomb ticking inside me. Every second that goes by is just one second closer to its explosion. And it will not be pretty.

I don't know the person that I am anymore. I seem to have just drifted into whoever I am right now - with no particular thought or direction to it. And I don't know whether whatever I believed in before even makes sense anymore. And I'm scared of giving it too much thought because that would mean maybe shattering 23 years of thinking and believing certain things and I'm not willing to pick up the pieces and start over.

People think they know me but I don't think they really do. I don't even think I really want them to. If anyone knows me I'd rather it be me.



















I suppose some people would consider this beautiful. I classify this under a list of things titled "What were they thinking???". Strangely enough this fountain is located in Manipal of all places. What is lacking there in infrastructure in general, they've made up in grotesque fountains. It's enough to give one nightmares.

S-O-S

Blogspot is apparently now banned in India! I'm guessing its temporary but still. As always, when confronted with something that I cannot do, I immediately want to do it all the more.

I was telling Funnylifian that the reason I don't write much anymore is simply because this blog has become everything that I didn't want it to become. It is now based solely on events that occur on an everyday basis in my life rather than the random musings and introspections for which it was originally intended.

Oh well, I think I've found my reason to start blogging all over again.

Dum dum dum

And so I missed the month of June.

Which is kind of strange considering the fact that I had a couple of posts all half-typed out. And the fact that I now have sooooooo much time on my hands. Pretending to study is such a hard job...*sigh*....

It's been a crazy eventful month though. To sum it up, over the past one month I have caused two boys to fight over me (haha that sounds so much better than it actually was)...travelled in a second-class compartment (it's been a while for me ok...I'm a snob...so sue me!)...learned that there is always some connection with a person that you thought you'd never met before ("So you studied in college with this guy from Madras who I knew from....")...watched one cousin get engaged and another get married...been asked about a thousand times when I'm going to get married ("You're next-in-line" is the most irritating phrase in the world...especially when said with a horrible mallu accent)...made some new friends (Ash I really miss you)...gossiped (not something that I normally do)...smoked like crazy...become fat (its all that rice and fish I tell you)...got hit by a bus (it was only my side-view mirror, relax)...attended one of the most 'filmi' weddings I have ever been for (complete with elephant and everything)...fake-smiled like my life depended on it...partied like crazy...

This post, however, is not about any of that.

This is just so that I don't miss the month of July.

Eye in the sky

I really wish that I could write like this. However every time I try to think of a description that is remotely beautiful and, more importantly, appropriate, I go completely blank and my thought process becomes something like this, “Yeah, so that sunset was really beautiful. There were all these colours and it was umm…yeah well…umm…really orange.” I need help.

A couple of days ago, I was out drinking and I ran into my client. Which was kind of embarrassing given the fact that I had taken the day of saying I was sick. What’s worse though is that he now knows exactly what my legs look like. All in all, I think it’s a good time to quit.

I think patting a friend on the back while he throws up is one of the most heroic things one can do. It almost seems mandatory now for me to be around when Hero decides he’s had enough to drink.

The last one week at work is unbelievably relaxing. So far today, I played su do ku, checked everyone's blogs, checked my mail around six times and called everyone in my phone book.
When I finally quit I'm going to drive myself insane.

Oh and if I was buying a suit (which is a really expensive thing to do, by the way) I would be extremely cautious about taking pushy salesmen’s advice. Especially those who talk about the advantages of the rich grey vis-à-vis the pinstripe while wearing a bright yellow shirt with Superman on it.

Updates, etc.

I started this post about a week ago. Since then there have been some significant additions. More specifically, there has been one. It's in italics so as to distinguish it.

*My new house is bee-yoo-ti-ful. Really. Of course there are still parts of it that look a hurricane hit area. But it's more or less fallen into place.

*And there's a set top box. This weekend - 2 straight hours of 'Bold & the Beautiful - The Week That Was' followed by 'Desperate Housewives', 'The O.C' and other miscellaneous crap thrown in between. Bring it on!

*Hugging someone you love is the best feeling in the world. Period.

*I really wish people would ask me what they want to know about me instead of everyone else but me. I don't know when I gave the indication that I would not be willing to respond.

*When I meet people who aren't from here, I get so unbelievably excited. A hint it is methinks.

*My lymph nodes are enlarged. Which is probably not that big a deal but I'm freaked out about it anyway. If it's not better soon then I have to go for a scan.

*Yam leaves today. And suddenly I'm taken back to the way I felt when I left Bombay. That choking feeling in your throat, the uncertainty of what comes next. I don't know what I'm going to do without that girl.

*Phone calls from old friends are always good. Phone calls from old friends who are drunk as skunks are even better.

*A certain mad Madman has his birthday tomorrow. At least I think its tomorrow.

*I've quit my job. In the worst possible way. Angry words and a significant amount of screaming, shouting and crying were involved. Since then, attempts have been made at reconciliation. But the verdict remains the same. I'm not going back to fight a losing battle. Working with family is so hard.

Johnny Two Thumbs

Thats the name of the tattoo parlour I went to in Singapore. Its been around for 61 years and is practically an institution. Its this tiny little place in a corner of a mall that caters basically to Chinese people. And thats where I, finally, after 4 years of wanting one and chickening out at the last second, got my tattoo done! *jumps up and down in excitement*

I don't think I'd have ever got it done if it wasn't for my uncle. I was kind of apprehensive about telling him that I wanted one, but as it turned out he was more enthusiastic than I even was about it!

And so on Saturday afternoon, he took me over to Johnny Two Thumbs and helped me pick out my tattoo. Finally chose a turtle in fond remembrance of the one Moron gave me on Valentine's Day a couple of years ago. It died in 2 days. Well thats the story I'm going to tell people when they ask me why I chose it anyway : )

I don't know how 3 days went by but they just did. If there's one word that describes Singapore, its sterile. It's beautiful no doubt but the whole city reminds me of one giant hospital. It's unbelievably clean and a bit too quiet. Even the trees look like their leaves have been put into position and dusted everyday. There are queues for every single thing - including going to the bathroom! The difference from India is evident in every nook and cranny. Personally, I don't think I'd ever be able to live there. I need noise and bustle and evergy around me - if only to drown out my loud voice!

And man oh man is it expensive! Here I was all set to go on a 3 day shopping spree - I took one look at the price of a really beautiful top I saw and realised that those dreams would have to come crashing down in any case!

Ah who cares - I got a tattoo!!

Voices in my head

• I always thought that writing with an ink pen would improve my handwriting. So I invested in one. It really has not helped that much.
• Time seems to be standing still and the only reason I know it passes is because of the coffee guy who comes every couple of hours.
• I feel like doing something creative right now.
• I need a house.
• I'm filled with this need to do something at this exact moment of my life but what that something is I don't know.
• I doodle flowers when I have absolutely nothing to do. Or rather when I don't want to do something that I should be doing. There are pages and pages in my notebook that are filled with flowers.
• I need to quit smoking. I really do. All those "one-cigarette-a-day" are really adding up.
• Blogger always seems to instinctively know when I have something to write about and immediately becomes inaccessible. It's a conspiracy for sure.

Grumpus

As on 19/2/06.

Ok thats not a word...I just made that up...it just seems to describe the way I feel really well...I'm feeling grumpus today...

First, I lose my phone at Chinky's mehndi. Then, the bastard who steals my phone tries calling and messaging all my friends. Then, when I call on my number, he has the f***ing balls to tell me that its his phone and his number and he's had it for the past 2 years. The icing on the cake is my wonderful service provider who informs me (after much following up) that they can't block my sim card as their system's are under updation --- for the next 5 days!!

Seriously, what the f***!

How bizarre

--> So yesterday MM calls me "Whines are we on for dinner? All us single folks will head out to Aqua and ruin Valentine's Day!" I'm always in the mood to make people uncomfortable (muaahahahahaha) so I was full enthusiasm. And then I realised... 2500 bucks for dinner!! And not a buffet or anything...at least then I suppose I would have been able to justify it somehow in my head by eating like a pig...but its a freakin' set dinner!! What if you don't like what they're serving!?!? What is it about Valentine's Day that makes people go beserk? When you think about it there are more than enough days to celebrate, what with birthdays and anniversaries and what not. And it suddenly seems to be more in your face than ever. Even my gym is decorated with heart shaped balloons!

--> I finally went and got myself a pair of glasses yesterday after 6 months of whining about having broken the old pair. Its amazing how much more I can suddenly see. I'm just loving it!

--> A couple of days ago I got into a huge fight with my dad...something that I never do...and I was really really upset about it. And then when I called this friend of mine to cry, all he said was that he had other plans (which were, needless to say, pretty unimportant) and couldn't talk. And suddenly my biggest problem was no longer that I was fighting with my dad but that someone who was close to me didn't have the time for me because he cared about what the rest of the world thought. Its strange how it only takes a minute for a situation to change completely.

--> Have you ever put something into your mouth thinking that its going to taste a certain way and then realised that it tastes completely different from what you expected and that it was pleasant anyway? I love that feeling of momentary surprise.

--> Fabindia's just launching a whole line of body care products and I get to try them ALL first. I love that my mother works for them :)

--> I thought I'd forgotten how to flirt. Till last weekend. Last weekend was the weekend of holding hands and dressing up and random compliments and that head rush that I have missed for about 4 years now. Its good to know that I still have it!

The curious incident about the dog at midnight

So its a typical Tuesday night. I was home earlier than usual and my parents and I were sitting around and chatting in their room. Taika of course was flat out on the floor - she needs her 8 hours, the lazy lump - when suddenly she jumps up, runs to the window and starts barking like crazy. Normally she does this only when our resident cat is around - she hates the cat because he keeps stealing her food and she can never catch him - and we tend to ignore her till she shuts up. But for some reason, my father decided to go check what was bothering her. And thats when he saw it.

This 'face' was standing right outside our window and staring back at him.

So my dad starts yelling in Tamil asking the 'face' who he is. The 'face' stares back some more - manners obviously not being a priority - and then does an about turn and walks out through Pra's (my neighbour) house - through a gate thats always kept locked.

By then I called Pra who wasn't at home but he immediately called his brother V who came running out to see what had happened. V is this 6ft 3 dude and while he's actually a sweety, if I didnt know him, I would be scared as hell if I suddenly met him down some dark alleyway.

Moving swiftly on, all the neighbour's gathered together downstairs, a first probably in about 10 years (the people in my colony, in case you haven't gathered, are not too friendly with each other) and discussions ensued on who could have broken in. My father had just finished describing the guy when Uncle X (I call him X as I have no idea what his name is even though he lives next door to me!) suddenly noticed a guy standing near the gate who fit the description exactly! So V and his friend Baldy went to the gate and caught hold of the guy and brought him in.

I couldn't help feeling sorry for the 'face'. He made absolutely no attempt to escape or deny that it was indeed him outside our window. He seemed not quite there though I dont know if this was because he was a 'mental case' as we so crudely put it over here or because he was stoned. Maybe it was a bit of both. Apparently he'd come to our house looking for food and had in fact stolen some from Pra's house. Also, we found some prayer books in his bag which he'd taken from Pra's mom's room. If only he'd just come to the door and asked for help.

And so we called the cops. And of course they took their own sweet time to get there even though the police station is less than a kilometre from our house. 45 minutes to be exact. Their excuse was that there was no vehicle so they had to take an auto and come. Its almost laughable really!

The funniest part was when they questioned the 'face' on why he'd chosen our house he said that Shivaji Ganesh (a really famous long dead Tamil actor) had called him to his studio which was in our house! Talk about delusional! Finally they took the poor guy away and the excitement was over.

Taika is suddenly the hero of the day. With her new found elevated status, she can now sit on our heads if she wants to and there will be absolutely no complaints. Even my father bows down to her and shuts his mouth - well he has to as he's busy eating his words...the number of times he made fun of her saying that she was a useless watchdog.

And did all the neighbours bond after that and talk about tighter security and "Neighbourhood Watch' and all that crap? Nyahh! We just went back to our lives and continued to ignore each others existence : )

How I'm going to miss this place when I move!

Like a rolling stone

Tagged by the Archster. Alrighty then. 20 things about myself, in no particular order of preference, as follows:

1. I can not function without my morning cup of coffee. Which, incidentally, I invariably end up spilling on myself.
2. I don't need to be the center of attention. However, I do need that one person from whom I require loads of attention. And when I say loads, I mean shitloads.
3. I always have this secret fear that my flight is going to crash. So just before it takes off I HAVE to call my dad and have him confirm that there is no way that that can happen to me and the odds of it are really low yada yada yada or I will just make a huge fuss and get off the flight. I really will.
4. I am a confirmed hypochondriac. I honestly think that I have every illness known to mankind.
5. Once I've made up my mind about something, don't even bother trying to make me change it. It takes a LOT to convince me to think differently.
6. What you see is what you get. I don't believe in layers. They just seem pointless. Of course this also means that I rub many people the wrong way.
7. I am unbelievably lazy. Even something as simple as getting myself a glass of water can sometimes be way too much trouble.
8. As anyone who has read my blog before can make out, I love dogs. And I'm way nicer to them than I am to people. God help a person who tries waking me up at 3 in the morning because s/he needs to pee!
9. My biggest fear is that I will wake up one morning and I will be blind. The fact that I haven't worn my glasses in about 6 months really does not help too much!
10. While I flare up really easily, I just can not stay angry with people. Believe me, I've tried!
11. I don't need to know everything about everyone. And I can't understand people who do. Sure, I like to gossip as much as the next person...but if someone doesn't want to tell me something about their life, I'm not going to get into a huff about it.
12. I'd rather bitch about someone to their face than behind their back. I can't pretend to like people when I don't.
13. I have this overwhelming urge to drop all plans of MBA's and corporate lifestyles and do something random like theatre.
14. I'm part of that rare breed of girls that hate shopping. Mainly I think because I'm too lazy to try on stuff.
15. I'm not proud of it but I am never on time. Ever.
16. I don't seem like it at all but I'm actually a very very shy person. When I'm with a bunch of people who I don't know, I don't open my mouth.
17. I need to live near the beach. There's something about is that is just so comforting and somehow I feel like I can breathe easier. My one year in Bangalore, I just felt so claustrophobic.
18. I find it way way easier to get along with guys than with girls. They're just so uncomplicated and there are no double meanings whatsoever. Having said that, all my best friend's are girls and I don't know how I would get through anything without them.
19. I have this sneaking suspicion that I am in the completely wrong industry.
20. I really really try not to judge people. And I will never bitch about someone I don't know at all.

Numero Uno

Hard work is finally paying off! MY ad campaign, the one that I (alone I might add) have worked day and night on, the account that I have sweated (?) blood and tears for, for which I have cried and whined over, my baby, six months down the line has FINALLY come through for me!

Its rated #1 baby!

I'm on such an adrenaline high!

Here comes the sun

• I think that everyone has one redeeming feature for all the other crappy ones you end up inheriting. I think my hair totally redeems my nose.
• When people used to tell me that they got close to someone really quickly, I would wonder how on earth that is possible. It takes me forever to let my guard down and open up. I now know that not only is it possible, it is also true.
• The grab is the greatest invention of all time - if you get the perfect one of course.
• For the past one year or so I've been feeling really emotionless. Until yesterday. Yesterday I cried. A lot. Hysterically almost I think.
• Sometimes your oldest friends are your best friends. And sometimes they are not. Sometimes I miss Madman. Other times I don't at all.
• While everyone I know seems to love the Ferrero Rocher gelatto at Subway, I think it's highly overrated. I can't get through more than half a scoop. Whereas the bitter chocolate...mmm...now that I can eat a lot of.
• I love yellow. It's such an unbelievably happy colour. I always wanted a wall in my room to be painted yellow so when we moved into this house that's the first thing I did. I'm going to miss my yellow wall when we move.
• Strangely enough I find meaning in the words of a Bryan Adams song. They go like this: Free is all you want to be. Dream dreams noone else can see. Sometimes you want to run away. But you never know what might be coming round your way.
• I love the word 'aquiesce'. It just sounds nice in my head.
• This blog template just does not suit me. But I can't seem to find one that does.
• Sometimes even when you want to be there for a person, the words that come out seem so meaningless. And they just don't measure up to the trauma that that person has gone through. Saturday was like that. I felt so helpless.
• At the end of the day, I am a true blue Mallu. I love my malluness. I absolutely revel in it.
• I really do want to go for jiving classes. Rat you also please do something about it.
• I must write one more point or this post would end with thirteen points and that would just be unlucky. I wonder when I got so superstitious.

You know you have no life when...

...all the phone calls on your call register are to and from clients
...the only men you've met recently are over 40, balding and with the beginnings of a paunch
...you finally make it for a movie that you've been dying to see and spend the most part of it outside consoling your irate client
...ALL your dreams end up as nightmares with you chasing deadlines, however unrelated that may be to what you were originally dreaming
...you miss your first cousin's engagement because your campaign is in the 'launch' phase - irrespective of the fact that it has been that way for the past 6 months
...you spend Saturday nights at home watching movies while your parents are out partying
...its 10 pm and there are no indications of going home
...you cant enjoy the few times that you do go out partying as your too busy worrying about the number of meetings you have to go for tomorrow
...it becomes hard to even go to the parlour and get your upper lip threaded

Aargh!! What on earth is happening to me!?!?

Damn she was cute!

The heights of laziness

Sorry Rat but I'm stealing your post...the things marked in bold are stuff that I've done, italics means I want to do it and the rest are the ones that I havent done and don't really give a damn about anyway...I hope my parents dont read my blog...

Taken a candlelit bath with someone
Said 'I love you' and meant it
Said "I love you" and not meant it
Hugged a tree
Done a striptease
Bungee jumped - though how I'm going to do this I dont know as I'm shit scared of heights
Watched a lightning storm at sea
Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise - all the time in Bombay
Gone to a huge sports game - ATP Tour???
Slept under the stars - well briefly in Goa - I was lying on a deck chair and I just kind of passed out
Changed a baby's diaper - my cousin's...and that is the sole reason why I never want to have kids!
Taken a trip in a hot air balloon - but with the heights thing again I just dont know
Gotten drunk on champagne - the first time I got drunk was on champagne
Given more than you can afford to charity - giving to charity is one thing but more than I can afford...I dont know...
Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment - God yes! While I was on stage actually! It was so unbelievably embarassing coz no matter what I did I couldnt stop laughing!
Bet on a winning horse - I'm talking about you Moron!
Taken a sick day when you're not ill - still do!
Asked out a stranger
Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier - ok this just seems like a fun way to pass time!
Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
Taken a midnight skinny dip - I'm sure I would freeze...I hate the cold...
Taken an ice cold bath - not voluntarily...the damn geyser wouldnt work!
Ridden a roller coaster - but it lasted about 3 seconds
Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking - all the time
Adopted an accent for an entire day
Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
Loved your job for all accounts - not anymore though
Taken care of someone who was shit faced - thats how I spent this New Year's!
Had enough money to be truly satisfied
Had amazing friends - 'have' is a more appropriate word actually
Stolen a sign
Taken a road-trip - and was completely wasted by the end of it!
Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
Milked a cow - why oh why would one want to!?
Sung karaoke - Bohemian Rhapsody at that!
Lounged around in bed all day - actually my favourite past time as of now
Played in the rain
Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
Gotten married
Been in a movie
Crashed a party
Loved someone you shouldn't have
Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy - apparently
Made cookies from scratch - when I was 6 or something
Gotten a tattoo - No. 1 on my To Do list
Got flowers for no reason - I never thought it would be but its actually one of the sweetest things that someone can do for you
Got so drunk you don't remember anything
Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
Performed on stage - this is something that I actually miss...I used to be pretty good at the whole theatre thing...
Eaten shark
Had a one-night stand
Been on a cruise ship
Spoken more than one language fluently
Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
Picked up and moved to another city to just start over to be with the one you love - hmm not the wisest thing to do in retrospect
Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking - Every. Single. Day.
Had plastic surgery
Broken someone's heart - yes and I feel really guilty about it
Been fired or laid off from a job - though this is fast becoming a possibility!
Broken a bone
Killed a human being
Ridden a motorcycle
Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph - its such an adranaline rush really!
Eaten sushi - and it was gross
Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime - I just want one
Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
Gotten someone fired for their actions
Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them - do ashtrays count?
Been a DJ
Smoked a cigarette
Crashed a friend's car
Been in love
Been dumped
Snuck out of your parent's house - never needed to
Been arrested
Gone on a blind date
Flown a kite
Built a sand castle
Played dress up - hasn't everyone!?
Cheated while playing a game - bluff!
Been lonely
Fallen asleep at work/school - slept through 3 years of college
Been robbed
Been misunderstood - all the time
Run a red light
Liked the way you look
Questioned your heart
Been obsessed with post-it notes - different coloured ones
Felt like dying - and I really cant understand people who feel this way...nothing is that bad
Cried yourself to sleep - many a time
Played cops and robbers
Made prank phone calls - haha Tina Teapot and Lyla Lampshade
Written a letter to Santa Claus
Sung in the shower - another favourite past time
Had a dream that you married someone - and it was freaky
Sat on a roof top - as kids on Sanju's rooftop
Talked on the phone for more than 4 hours
Believe in ghosts - umm well not exactly anyway
Jumped into a pool/hot tub/lake with all your clothes on - not like I had a choice about it...I was pushed in...
Laughed so hard you cried
Laughed so hard you peed
Have had a fantasy over someone you love as a good friend
Studied ballet
Been able to live without your mobile phone for a day in your normal life

Reminiscing...

A bit late but anyway...2005 for me was:
- reconnecting with old friends
- finally letting go
- family crisises (I'm not sure if thats a word though)
- quitting my first job
- curly hair and straight hair and soooper hair cuts
- making new friends
- realizing that I need to make an effort - some of the time at least
- being the centre of so many controversies (a first for me really)
- fighting about the most trivial things
- bad bad habits
- thoppehs (its never been as big as it is right now)
- socializing more than I have ever done before in my life
- moving home again
- finally getting a dog after 22 years of wanting one
- blocking out emotions to a certain extent
- instant connections and no interim periods
- enjoying tamil music
- realizing that my oldest friends are still my bestest friends
- surprise endings
- spontaneity in some things and extreme caution in others
- laughing hysterically

I'm going to be uncharacteristically soppy and say that I honestly dont think I could have got through the year if not for the Madras gumbal (aka Bobo gang) - Angel, Anshama, KC, Dits, Preeetika, Chet, Anjix, Antoorie, Golti, Dulq, Tugin, Tam, Pondatti, Warne. Its quite amazing that most of us have known each other for about 18 years now and we're still friends. With no complications at that.

And of course the Dodo gang. Making new friends is always really hard but they made it feel like a breeze. Here's to the original Quaking boys - Pra, Hero, Ketchi, Sidhu, Shish and Shrat -Rat and Ash.

At the end of the day, there's nothing like family and I'm going to miss Yam terribly when she leaves in 4 months. Really dreading it. And Moron who is still like family for me. I dont know how I would survive without him.

Anyway, here's to the coming year and to more ups than downs!